Worrywart

I am a natural born worrier. I win the title of WORRY WART in my family! It only got worse after my kids were born. Eeoyre has nothing on me. i have planned so many funerals, expected all the worst disasters, cried bitter tears of worried angst. Shel Silverstein's little poem has "Sue" written all over it: Last night while I lay thinking here
some whatifs crawled inside my ear
and danced and partied all night long
and sang their same old whatif song: Whatif....

Then begins the list of 'whatifs'. Over the years this has created some uncomfortable times for the family. There was the time our oldest son was coming home from overseas and he didn't call when I expected him to; the time our youngest son took the family car and also didn't phone in created somewhat of an unneccesary panic; Any of the family flying in planes, driving cars, off on trips or some other method of being out of sight could cause enormous panic in me. Laying in the dark sometimes made things even worse. I couldn't sleep well. I was irritable. I have never had a wonderful deliverance from this terrible habit. It's really unbelief in its ugliest form. Of that fact, God has made perfectly clear to me. I don't trust Him enough to take care of, or to believe that he has my best interests in His heart. Slowly, slowly, over the years I have learned that worry will be an ever present temptation. When I lie in bed in the dark and the worry threatens to overwhelm me I have learned to conciously give it back to God. To choose not to worry. To choose trust over doubt. My kids still laugh at me and ask me "if I was worried." They try very hard to help me minimize the worry by phoning, by telling and describing. But even more importantly I have slowly learned that I really can trust the God who holds the past and the future in eternity. I don't doubt that bad things could happen, but I know who I can trust. "Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD is your keeper..."