Blue like Jazz...again

So, every half page that I'm reading in Don Miller's book and I have to stop and re read. Then re read and process. He's saying what I have felt in my heart so many times, and I've not been able to verbalize. I am amazed. I guess this would be the point where I should start a book study or something but I have a blog so here I am again. Writing about this amazing book Blue Like Jazz....

I have been 'doing' women's ministry with our church for a couple of years now and sometimes I get pretty depressed about my performance with it. It's probably not a good idea for me to go into detail here, but let it be said that I haven't done the best job or perhaps even been the best person at this. Oh, sure, I'm organized and can run a meeting and plan events but so far nothing has been what could be considered a rousing success. Even I have suspected that it's because I haven't a heart for it. One warm summer evening we (the team) sat out on my back porch and after a fabulous devotion and prayer time, committed to each other that we would go on a fast of all things negative. In other words, we would only think, say and do kind, good, christian things to all those that crossed our paths daily. I remember being exhilerated by the challenge. This was exactly what I needed to get myself out of my ugly funk. I laugh at that week now. I don't think I managed even an hour. I worked at it for a few days before giving up. And then I read this from Don Miller:

"I found myself trying to love the right things without God's help and it was impossible. I tried to go one week without thinking a negative thought about another human being and I couldn't do it. Before I tried that experiment, I thought I was a nice person, but after trying it, I realized I thought bad things about people all day long and that, my natural desire was to love darkness. My answer to my dilema was self discipline. I figured I could just make myself do good things, think good thoughts about other poeple, but that was no easier than walking up to a complete stranger and falling in love with them. I could go through the motions for awhile, but sooner or later my heart would testify to its truer love: darkness."

I know he's not writing this to offer me an excuse for my behavior, even though it was only my thoughts. He's telling me in a way that I clearly understand, I am not in control. The sin nature goes all the way through. I can stop pretending any time now. Not that I should be out behaving without restraint. I have to recognize that God and His grace alone has reached in and loved me despite the darkness inside me. What can I do but love a God like this, who really knows and understands me? And because of that kind of love, I must, I am compelled to reach out to my fellow traveller and share this amazing good news. Wow.

Blue Like Jazz

I have a hard time reading some Christian literature..fiction especially. I hate flat characters, or maybe more importantly, characters who act better than I ever even think about. But I heard rumors about a book that I thought I would give a chance. And it's not even fiction (my favorite kind) It's Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I read the first paragraph and I was hooked. I tried reading it out loud today. Twice. Both times I had to stop as my voice got caught up somewhere in my throat, and all of a sudden there were tears. Hate that.

Beginnings

God on a dirt road walking toward me

I once listened to an Indian on Televsion say that God was in the wind and the water, and I wondered at how beautiful that was because it meant you could swim in Him or have Him brush your face in a breeze. I am early in my story, but I believe I will stretch out into eternity, and in heaven I will reflect upon these early days, these days when it seemed God was down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a swinging speck in the distance; now He is close enough I can hear His singing. Soon I will see the lines on His face.

Maybe it's because I'm older now, and I know just exactly what Miller means by these lines. It seems that God is coming into focus more and more every day. He seems more real to me and the more real I am about who i am the clearer I have been able to see Him. It brings joy and peace and a sense of comfort to my life when sometimes I feel the struggle mightily.

There will be more here later. For it has given me lots to think about and I'd really like to talk to y'all about this.

Valentine's Day Stories

With Valentine's Day tomorrow (oh wow! I think I forgot the chocolates)I thought it would be fun to tell your best Valentine story! So, what story (or stories) do you have that are heartbreaking, funny, or romantic about the great day of Love? I'm not sure how tagging works, but if you're reading this... You're tagged!

Here's mine:

Dateline, February 14, 1970. In my home inSteward, Illinois. My boyfriend of 5 months surprises me by proposing to me in my living room. He asked me if I would be his wife and the mother of his children. How could I turn him down? I was worried that it was the only proposal I would get!! Ha!! None-the-less, I did love the guy. We were married on an April day 14 months later. And we have been together for 35+ years. And we did have three great kids. Now we have 2 super daughters in law and 2 wonderful grandkids.

Your turn....

A foreign Language?

It had to be when the dog was telling me that he really wanted to play ball with me, that I realized I had a foreign language down pretty well. It was this past Sunday when it struck me that I was fairly adept at interpreting his odd sounds! The yawn, moan was his "play with me". Two barks meant, "right now, please" Turning a circle then sitting right next to me, pawing me, jumping on me, and other general annoyances that couldn't be ignored meant "I've gotta go, and I've gotta go RIGHT NOW!" His "fee me, please" consists of following me closely in the morning and hounding me if I even dare to sit for a moment without having put food in his dish. And of course, I know exactly what his "Aren't we ready for bed, yet" look is... a hanging of the head, and a sad sorry look it is indeed. For the most part that's the sum total of what he has to say to us. Though I do know that he loves us unconditionally. He prefers company to being alone. It's trouble when he's bored. He loves to play, to walk, to chase squirrels or rabbits, and to eat people food. He is our fourth child as our 3 'other' children will tell us. And I wonder why we didn't have a Boston Terrier before this. His personality is sweet and generous and unconditionally kind. Even if you think he's an ugly dog, it isn't long before you've fallen for him too. Just ask the whole neighborhood full of Boston Terrier lover's!