Out of Control

My trip to Haiti was framed on both ends by tears. I worried and stewed at the beginning that I wouldn't have anything to offer once I got there. I'm the girl who wants to write the book about "Everything I learned about life, I learned on the back of a Jet Ski" Lesson 1: It's more fun to drive than ride. Be in control, in other words. Well, my first night I lay in bed and wept at the foolishiness of what I was doing. For me, this was an "out of control moment". Everything was unfamiliar, everything was wAAAy out of my comfort zone. I was very distressed. But as you can see from all my posts everything I found and did was covered over by incredible grace. From teaching through an interpreter, to prayer walks, serving children, to the food we ate and the people we dealt with, I learned I didn't need to be in control. God already has this place firmly in HIS grip. This trip was huge in terms of what I learned and of how my faith was strengthened. So that when the time came to come home, just 7 short days later I found myself weeping again. Crying on the plane from Florida to Iowa knowing that I have lived a very selfish, self centered, ungrateful life. It has been an "All about ME" theme. How could I fly back to smooth roads, warm a home, a full refigerator, elecricity, running water (and the list keeps going) and not somehow be changed by all this. I could never end the poverty in Haiti but at the very least I can become a grateful person. I might not ever change a single life in that country even by my one visit, but I can allow God to change me. I can through the power and control of God be different. I'm not sure yet, how that will look. But I'll keep you posted.