Blue like Jazz...again

So, every half page that I'm reading in Don Miller's book and I have to stop and re read. Then re read and process. He's saying what I have felt in my heart so many times, and I've not been able to verbalize. I am amazed. I guess this would be the point where I should start a book study or something but I have a blog so here I am again. Writing about this amazing book Blue Like Jazz....

I have been 'doing' women's ministry with our church for a couple of years now and sometimes I get pretty depressed about my performance with it. It's probably not a good idea for me to go into detail here, but let it be said that I haven't done the best job or perhaps even been the best person at this. Oh, sure, I'm organized and can run a meeting and plan events but so far nothing has been what could be considered a rousing success. Even I have suspected that it's because I haven't a heart for it. One warm summer evening we (the team) sat out on my back porch and after a fabulous devotion and prayer time, committed to each other that we would go on a fast of all things negative. In other words, we would only think, say and do kind, good, christian things to all those that crossed our paths daily. I remember being exhilerated by the challenge. This was exactly what I needed to get myself out of my ugly funk. I laugh at that week now. I don't think I managed even an hour. I worked at it for a few days before giving up. And then I read this from Don Miller:

"I found myself trying to love the right things without God's help and it was impossible. I tried to go one week without thinking a negative thought about another human being and I couldn't do it. Before I tried that experiment, I thought I was a nice person, but after trying it, I realized I thought bad things about people all day long and that, my natural desire was to love darkness. My answer to my dilema was self discipline. I figured I could just make myself do good things, think good thoughts about other poeple, but that was no easier than walking up to a complete stranger and falling in love with them. I could go through the motions for awhile, but sooner or later my heart would testify to its truer love: darkness."

I know he's not writing this to offer me an excuse for my behavior, even though it was only my thoughts. He's telling me in a way that I clearly understand, I am not in control. The sin nature goes all the way through. I can stop pretending any time now. Not that I should be out behaving without restraint. I have to recognize that God and His grace alone has reached in and loved me despite the darkness inside me. What can I do but love a God like this, who really knows and understands me? And because of that kind of love, I must, I am compelled to reach out to my fellow traveller and share this amazing good news. Wow.

Blue Like Jazz

I have a hard time reading some Christian literature..fiction especially. I hate flat characters, or maybe more importantly, characters who act better than I ever even think about. But I heard rumors about a book that I thought I would give a chance. And it's not even fiction (my favorite kind) It's Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. I read the first paragraph and I was hooked. I tried reading it out loud today. Twice. Both times I had to stop as my voice got caught up somewhere in my throat, and all of a sudden there were tears. Hate that.

Beginnings

God on a dirt road walking toward me

I once listened to an Indian on Televsion say that God was in the wind and the water, and I wondered at how beautiful that was because it meant you could swim in Him or have Him brush your face in a breeze. I am early in my story, but I believe I will stretch out into eternity, and in heaven I will reflect upon these early days, these days when it seemed God was down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a swinging speck in the distance; now He is close enough I can hear His singing. Soon I will see the lines on His face.

Maybe it's because I'm older now, and I know just exactly what Miller means by these lines. It seems that God is coming into focus more and more every day. He seems more real to me and the more real I am about who i am the clearer I have been able to see Him. It brings joy and peace and a sense of comfort to my life when sometimes I feel the struggle mightily.

There will be more here later. For it has given me lots to think about and I'd really like to talk to y'all about this.

Valentine's Day Stories

With Valentine's Day tomorrow (oh wow! I think I forgot the chocolates)I thought it would be fun to tell your best Valentine story! So, what story (or stories) do you have that are heartbreaking, funny, or romantic about the great day of Love? I'm not sure how tagging works, but if you're reading this... You're tagged!

Here's mine:

Dateline, February 14, 1970. In my home inSteward, Illinois. My boyfriend of 5 months surprises me by proposing to me in my living room. He asked me if I would be his wife and the mother of his children. How could I turn him down? I was worried that it was the only proposal I would get!! Ha!! None-the-less, I did love the guy. We were married on an April day 14 months later. And we have been together for 35+ years. And we did have three great kids. Now we have 2 super daughters in law and 2 wonderful grandkids.

Your turn....

A foreign Language?

It had to be when the dog was telling me that he really wanted to play ball with me, that I realized I had a foreign language down pretty well. It was this past Sunday when it struck me that I was fairly adept at interpreting his odd sounds! The yawn, moan was his "play with me". Two barks meant, "right now, please" Turning a circle then sitting right next to me, pawing me, jumping on me, and other general annoyances that couldn't be ignored meant "I've gotta go, and I've gotta go RIGHT NOW!" His "fee me, please" consists of following me closely in the morning and hounding me if I even dare to sit for a moment without having put food in his dish. And of course, I know exactly what his "Aren't we ready for bed, yet" look is... a hanging of the head, and a sad sorry look it is indeed. For the most part that's the sum total of what he has to say to us. Though I do know that he loves us unconditionally. He prefers company to being alone. It's trouble when he's bored. He loves to play, to walk, to chase squirrels or rabbits, and to eat people food. He is our fourth child as our 3 'other' children will tell us. And I wonder why we didn't have a Boston Terrier before this. His personality is sweet and generous and unconditionally kind. Even if you think he's an ugly dog, it isn't long before you've fallen for him too. Just ask the whole neighborhood full of Boston Terrier lover's!

Gifts: the Joy of Serving

I volunteered to lead the women's Sunday School tomorrow. We're working with John Ortberg's book Gifts: the Joy of serving. I find that I'm like many women, i.e. I feel giftless, even though Scripture clearly teaches that is not the case. Here I am over 50 and still groping around trying to figure out what I'm good at. (Could He use the art of being able to read two books at once?) I'm almost sure that with all the billions of people in the world, God forgot about the gift thing with at least one person-me. But I'm pushing ahead anyway...

In his book, Gifts, Ortberg reminds us that the spiritual gifts we're given are to build up the whole team, not for use as in one man show. And the gifts He gives me take into account my background, my temperment, my likes and my passions. (So it's a cinch I won't be doing something for the kingdom of God that has to do with fish or fishing!) But the most thought provoking of all, to me, was the idea that there is more to having a gift than just using it. Even using it for His kingdom's sake. It is the idea that God wants me to share myself, my own life. To expend myself. To share my very soul. It struck me that it's very much like our visit to the Grand Canyon. Having a gift from God is like being at the edge of the Canyon and peering over its edge; being awed by the incredible vastness and beauty of the place. Of even acknowledging that God alone could have created such a place. It's only right and just that it should be that way. But imparting my whole self as I use the gifts that He has given what I really long to do. Like at the Grand Canyon. I want more than peering over the edge. I want to get down into it, to see it up close. To explore all the nooks and crannies that can't be seen on top. I want to be a part of a world that goes beyond the easy. I think what I long for is what Ortberg describes, that of putting my life out there for others. Here's what Ortberg says:

"A church can be a sterile place where believers just attend. It can be a hotel where people check in and check out. Or it can be ahome where you feel like you belong because people are sharing their lives with each other, expending themselves for one another..."

A list to live by:

I found this list in a newsletter and really wanted to share. I have a hard time with fasting in general but this gives focus to the word and emphasizes fasting as more than just abstaining from but also as doing!

Fast from criticism ... Feast on praise!

Fast from self pity ... Feast on joy!

Fast from ill-temper ... Feast on Peace!

Fast from resentment ... Feast on contentment!

Fast from jealousy ... Feast on Love!

Fast from pride ... Feast on humilty!

Fast from selfishness ... Feast on service!

Fast from fear ... Feast on Faith!

- arthur Lichtenburg

thoughts on reading

I've taken no end of grief about my "reading style". I am prone to 'cheating' as it were. That is reading the end of the book before I actually get there! There are lots of reasons why I do this but I don't quite understand why this horrifies everyone so. Sometimes I just like to be in control, rather than having the book be in control. (if that makes any sense at all) Sometimes I don't want to be surprised. Sometimes I don't want to invest too much in a character who turns out not to be very nice (or dies or whatever) Sometimes I just like to read 'out of the box' and just be different. And then there's times when I just don't really have time to read a book in the normal fashion: i.e. front to back soI speed things up a bit. One thing I know when it comes to reading, I get to do it any old way I want to. After all, It's me who's affected. Not anyone else. So the other day I discovered this Readers Bill of Rights and I thought I'd share some of them with you (and especially with those who think I have a wrong reading habit!):

1.You have the right to never apologize for your reading tastes.

2. You have the right to read anywhere you want..in the bathtub, in the car, in the grocery store,under the porch, or while walking the dog.

3. You have the right to carry books in baggage at all times.

4. You have the right to read the good parts out loud to your nearest and dearest.

5. You have the right to read as many books as you want at the same time.

6. You have the right to ignore the critics at the New York Review of books.

7. More importantly, you have the right to ignore critics in your immediate family.

8. You have the right to refuse to read any book anyone else picks out for you.(even if it's

a birthday present.

9. You have the right to skip all the boring parts.

10. You have the right to read the last chapter first.

11. You have the right to read the last chapter first and then put the book back on the

shelf.

12. You have the right to read any book where you don't like the picture of the author.

Amen.